Author: Andrew Moore

Charleston, SC native, Andy Moore, is now spending more time servicing Joanie’s Motorola Droid than he is breathing. This discovery came to light after Andy downloaded Google’s new TimeSucker app from the Android Marketplace and added a few categories  for it to track.

After plotting a 10-month period of activity, the chart below clearly shows that “Joanie’s Android” now consumes more of Andy’s time than previous market bellwether “Breathing.”

Asked about the increasing time demanded by Joanie’s Android, Andy replied, “I’m a little surprised. Joanie does have a lot of ringtones and seemingly bulletproof immunity to RTFM demands, but I didn’t think those lines would cross before February of next year. I might have to stop complimenting my wife altogether, because I forgot to add ‘pet Hogan’ as a category. I don’t want to spend more than 24 hours a day on this stuff.”

Insisting that whatever Joanie can do he can do better, Salem-based television mounter, Addison Chrystie, recently dialed 911 for the “free ride to the hospital and straight shot to the front of the ER line.”

Addison explained, “I heard that Joanie had her tonsils removed recently, so I thought I’d one-up her by taking out my appendix.”

Told that Joanie, in truth, had beaten him to the appendectomy by several months, Addison paused, visibly upset, and replied, “yeah… really? You sure? Yeah… well !&#@ it… we’ll see about that! I haven’t been released yet, so I may very well have a kidney out while I’m in here!”

Asked about the dueling “ectomists,” Doctor Daneeka replied, “we’re seeing more and more of it these days. It’s probably a side effect of our new socialist health care system.”