Some Highlights/Notes from Easter 2013 trip to D.C.:

Emily's there... not Photoshopped!
Emily’s there… not Photoshopped!
    • Renaissance Washington – 999 9th Street is a cool address, conveniently located to Union Station and National Mall, and good coffee. 666 6th Street does not exist; I looked.
    • Tour of Capitol. Winthrop and Sammy Adams statues. Our bad tour guide was no match for this impressive building. Boehner’s door was open. Apparently getting the coolest office means you face a steady stream of peasants; that’s why the Democrats and Republicans trade off the majority.
    • Death march to Founding Farmers (Capitol to circa Foggy Bottom) was well worth it! Walked up past the South side of the White House and the soccer games between out-of-shape competitors. Must research the Aviation cousin, Last Word… lime instead of lemon; I would have ordered one, but I noticed it too late. Kickass beer = Backhanded Compliment IPA.
Kites over National Mall
Kites over National Mall
    • Good shrimp but bad host at tapas place with weird jumping children mural behind the bar (and weird yarned-up children mural on wall). Long live (or die and become tapas!) the delicious, world famous, black-footed, pink-assed, always smiling Iberic pig! Emily got us a table; I would either still be waiting or have perished, as I took Mr. 25 Minutes at his word. We did not leave a positive impression with the Chinatown-based Black Panthers. They insisted on the destruction of our entire race, but I thought our search for a restaurant or my yellow shirt rather too benign for such a penalty.
Looking South passed Andy Jackson!
Looking South past Andy Jackson!
  • Met Nicole and Dan for brunch at the Old Ebbitt Grill (get pork stuffed waffles next time!). Saw Ford’s Theater, North side of the White House, Washington Monument (closed from earthquake damage), Sherman (couldn’t find any statue of Lee), WWII Memorial, Reflection Pool, Lincoln Memorial, Korean War Memorial, Jefferson Memorial, kites on National Mall, Smithsonian American History Museum, and National Archives (just made it in… second to last in line with Sergeant “this is it for today… come back tomorrow at 10AM” — need to mail sandwich board to National Archives.), determined giant, famous red horse overrated, all in one day… all walking… no time for lunch. Syracuse makes Final Four, but not without my help. Did not make it to Arlington National Cemetery or the Vietnam Memorial this trip. Cuban dinner with waitress who said, “sorry I’m late, but don’t worry, I put more rum in your mojito and the other drink that you can’t pronounce anyway.”
  • Newseum was much better than expected. Great 911 exhibit and Pulitzer prize photos. The vulture/child race photo is haunting. Damn you Good Stuff Eatery for being closed on Sunday! Squeezed in Supreme Court, Smithsonian Air and Space, Smithsonian Natural History, but they were very crowded on Easter. Miniature parcels of Asian deliciousness for dinner, with a side of incredibly bad techno/trance music.
  • One for one flying standby on a sold out flight! One for two trying to leave Thrifty Rent-a-place-to-park-your-car without paying!

More Washington D.C. pictures in Gallery.

Jackson emails Santa

Date: Sun, 14 Dec 2012 15:37:36 -0500
From: Jackson Moore <>
Subject: Whistleblower Protection


I can't trust the mailman!
What’s that damn wifi password again?

Hi Santa,

Sorry to email at what must be a particularly busy time of year for you and the tiny northern Foxconn elves, but I feel the need to bring certain developments to your attention in order to clear up some understandable misconceptions surrounding any reports of my “bad” behavior this year.

  1. Frankly, I fear that Chippy the Snitching Elf is a less than reliable witness. I’ve tried to reason with him on several occasions (most recently when I saw him watching me as I chewed on the Roku remote), but he simply stares back at me with agate, expressionless eyes. Not only is his behavior unnerving, but I fear he may very well suffer from a mood and/or personality disorder. Furthermore, it’s my understanding that he is supposed to move around our house nightly to gain different vantage points, so I imagine you’d be interested to know of his decision to take up a semi-permanent residence in our liquor cabinet. To the best of my knowledge, he hasn’t moved from the gin bottles and cocktail shakers except for the day he spent lying motionless on the floor beneath them. This is a shame, since I am very well behaved while sleeping, and he never bothers to visit my room upstairs.

    He did it! He did it!
    Members of Le Club d’Untrustworthy
  2. Before any formal evaluation of my behavior takes place, I must protest that I suffer gravely from my family’s apparent “girl child bias.” More than one member of the family has frankly stated a preference for girls, and this rampant sexism can’t help but color opinions of me. What might be considered a minor offense when committed by my preferred sister, Abigail, often becomes an inflated crime when my participation is alleged. Until recently, I thought my legal name was, “Dammit Jackson What Now.” My own father also continually uses my name interchangeably with the dog’s, seemingly unable to determine which of us is responsible for upsetting him.* Surely you should take these mitigating circumstances into consideration when checking your list the second time.
  3. Because of the diminutive size of our Xmas tree, I fear that not all of your expected presents will fit beneath it. If it’s easier for you, I welcome you to place all the gifts for my family in my crib on the 25th, as there is ample room. I will sort them and see that all presents make it to their intended parties!


Jackson Moore

* For the record, Hogan is undeniably naughty and probably deserves nothing, but please do not penalize me by erroneous association with the counter surfing Rhodesian Ridgeback.

On the first day of functional Christmas…

Teepee du Pee Pee

Every once in a while you see a product and say to yourself, “damn… I’m an idiot. Why didn’t I think of, develop, market, and sell this? I could have been rich. I could be playing golf in a warm climate right now. I could be bitching about Obama visiting and screwing up the traffic patterns. I could of been a contender.”

Any way… if your son (or limber, evil daughter I suppose) measures daily success by how many times he can successfully pee in your right eye, I highly recommend picking up a package of these pee pee teepees.

They make a great gift for Christmas, Hannukah, and Kwanzaa… or all three.