Fake Maine Half-Marathon Results

Andy returns to the winner’s circle

Some of you may remember the unfortunate 2011 Trails to Ale race where Andy finished a disappointing second in the Hatem, Teter, Moore grudge match. Good news, readers, as Andy made a couple of adjustments* and finished in first place in this year’s running of the Maine Half-Marathon.

Asked for comment, Matt replied, “I’m pretty certain that Andy violated the spirit of competition by not telling me about the race, but I probably couldn’t have found the starting line in time anyway; hopefully Apple will have ironed out its iPhone maps by next year.”

Christian added, “I’m tired of this. Everyone knows that Andy has a serious competitive edge over me in distances less than 50 kilometers. I’m not fast, but I can go super slowly a lot longer than Andy can go moderately slowly. Super slow wins the race, friends, and I am the king of super slow.”

Christian’s wife lamented, “Andy brought Roctane, but he wouldn’t share any with me… and he has longer legs. Besides, I wasn’t really racing and I’m probably pregnant.”

*Adjustments included not inviting Matt and running against Christian’s wife who has incredibly short legs even for a “little person.”