2012 Toy of the Year
This year’s Toy of the Year* award goes to the Elf on the Shelf. Congratulations, pragmatic hunk of felt and plastic, you avoided the recycle bin for another year and won our praise, but beware the fickle apostasy of little believers! The ice thins quickly as Abby ages beyond four. In case you’re not familiar …
Early Halloween Negotiations
I’m not sure on who’s watch things fell apart, but believing as I do that Halloween should have at least a semblance of a frightening feel, I’ve started negotiations with Abigail earlier and earlier in the year in hopes of talking her out of being a princess. She agreed in March to be a pirate, …
Abby crushes gymnastics class
Cartwheel? Nailed it! Somersault? Bam! Iron cross? Next time.
Adults at our house = FAIL!
With a combined weight of less than 50 pounds, you’d think that a 3-month-old and a 3-year-old would be no match for their larger, presumably experienced parent(s). You’d think that, but you’d be wrong. We are now in little more than a controlled retreat until we can coax these malevolent beasts out of our house.
Good morning, larvae!
Breakfast is more exciting now that the ladybug larvae have moved into their terrarium, a terrarium delivered rather early by Santa’s Fed Ex elves. Things we won’t mention until much later: Several of the larvae made it to Mom’s poppyseed muffins before we could retrieve them. We’re pretty sure we caught most of them, though. …
Abby conjures a water spout
Bubble rings make perfect, inexpensive, pliable-plastic, unswallowable Christmas gifts, but how the hell do you get one into a stocking?
Another toy arrives!
One of the best things about the soon-to-be bankrupt U.S. mail is that its uneven service works wonders for spreading out your birthday gifts. If your birthday is… say… on the 15th, and you have friends and relatives that live more than a state away, you can bank on getting presents in the mail until …
Birthday train table assembly recap
Time to assemble: 5 hours, 23 minutes. Missing parts: honest instructions, 3 screws, 7 AAA batteries, 4 gin martinis, and 1 properly-sized allen wrench. Number of Chinese factory workers laughing their asses off at me: at least 1. Time until first child fist fight over a train: 18 minutes. Time until second child fist fight …
T.W.A. – Straight Outta Peabody
Straight outta Peabody… I’m a crazy monkeybaby name-a FreezPop From the gang called Toddlerz With Asugarhigh. If I’m yelled at, I musta stole a cookie cat. Dropped the box and made a mess; now where the dog at? Chorus
Home Additions!
In order to get Hogan and me farther away from them, my parents are busy digging in, hammering on, and swearing about the soon-to-be finished basement. Actually, my father has few practical skills, so this project, in truth, is a “pay someone else and then pretend you are a foreman” project. To show my disgust …
Parenting by police cars and fire trucks
Ultimately, you never know how your kid is going to turn out in the end, but it’s probably important to watch for signs of trouble and to at least try to put the young back on a better path when necessary. Sometimes it’s easy and nature lobs you soft, underhanded meatball situations to get you …