Entering the Jacksonian Era

Jackson courts Avoidable Tragedy once more.

Now that a year has passed since Jackson moved in with us, differences between Jackson and Abigail are becoming apparent even to the casual observer.

  • Whereas Abigail tends to build things (or mandate that her parents construct things for her), Jackson tends to knock things down.
  • Whereas Abigail sees little use for food or drink, Jackson views every food group as its own brand of weapons-grade projectile. 
  • Once Abigail is asleep, she’s almost certain to stay asleep for at least a couple of hours. Jackson, on the other hand, has almost entirely eliminated daytime napping altogether and I fear he’s actively working on cutting back on his night-time sleeping hours as well.
  • Whereas Abigail now agrees to wear a presentable ponytail, Jackson has grown an angry, blonde mullet instead.
  • Whereas Abigail reminds you if you forget to brush her teeth, Jackson celebrates the arrival of each new tooth by crawling up to reclining adults and biting them in the spleen.
  • Whereas Abigail occasionally whines at us, Jackson perpetually drives us to wine… or vodka… or hydrogen peroxide.
  • Abigail takes relaxing baths in water; Jackson takes the water from baths and deposits it throughout the bathroom with the frightening efficiency of a baby hurricane. 
  • You can turn your back on Abby for a moment without serious injury; Jackson sees all human backs as signs of weakness and challenge.
  • Our babysitter can put Abby to bed. Our babysitter dares not come over until Jackson is already locked away in his crib.

All in all, if given a choice this holiday shopping season, I suggest purchasing the 4-year-old girl over the 1-year-old boy.