Carnivale d’Offderippe!

This picture illustrates much of what we learned at this year’s beach carnival visit.

Joy, anger, looking where you've been, and the giant on the swing.
Joy, anger, looking where you’ve been, and the menacing giant on the child swing.

So what’s going on here? In no particular order:

  • Abby meets her first Boston driver.
  • Abby discovers that “scary” rides are actually how she rolls. Too much success on this swing ride resulted in quick escalation to all multiple-gravity rides short of the Zipper.
  • I’m pretty sure this particular ride stole all the chains from the Hellraiser set. Anger Pinhead at your peril, Carnies…
  • The child in blue halfway through the gate is enduring the bitter public humiliation of being a “big boy” not able to overcome the Darwinian suspicion that Carnie ride maintenance should not be trusted. Take heart, keen-witted coward, you may be crying now, but you have an excellent chance to outlive all those other kids mindlessly hopping onboard duct taped machinery.
  • The “you must be this tall” sign is strictly enforced these days, but Abby’s super power is incredible on-demand vertical stretching. Take that, safety enforcers! Abby can shrink to 32 inches to get into museums for free, and then instantly grow to 42 inches to get on to big kid rides.
  • We thought a couple trips to the carnival would be good for cheap thrills; instead, we dropped a C-note in about an hour and have nothing to show for it but heightened whining from two kids who want to go back. We’re opening a daycare carnival as soon as possible. It will make billions of dollars… billions and billions of dollars.