Obama, Warren, and Tierney may have won, but the Jets, Mets, and Knickerbockers won’t be winning anything of note anytime soon. The status quo really does have its good points!
Overwhelmed (and a little frightened) by the sheer volume of phone calls between Emily, Lindsey, and Nancy, Verizon has announced that the unlimited friends and family plan will be discontinued for this particular family. In its place, LTE engineers have proposed an instantly-gratifying digital thought ticker to help Rooks women stay connected.
- Miss you so much!
- Let me tell you what’s going on.
- What’s up?
- I just had breakfast.
- I owe you 74 dollars.
- You paid for lunch.
- Oh yeah!?
- How do you cook a frittata?
- Daddy’s got golf. What are you doing for dinner?
- Come for dinner. Joanie’s got beer. Tell Andy!
- I’m going to Market Basket.
- Do you want to take my haircut appointment?
- Andy’s only faster because his legs are longer.
- Do you want to take my teeth cleaning appointment?
- Max threw food at Porter. Porter didn’t mind, though.
- Ok… let me call you back!
- We like the Shark Tank… it’s shark week.
- Did you see The Bachelorette?
- Abby loves to put on dresses and do ballet.
- Wow. Ok… let me call you back, Lindsey.
- No way!
- Ohhh… ok. Wait! What did Mom say?
- Let me go. I’m in the car with Andy.
- I just had lunch.
- What are you doing?
- Really? I’d just feed him bananas.
- Ok. Ok. Let’s talk in 5 minutes.
- Lindsey, let me go.
- Mom’s calling in 5 minutes. I just talked to her.
- Let’s meet in Ogunquit.
- Let’s have a conference call. I love 3-way calling!
- Then I said… and she said… so I said. It was so annoying.
- Oooh! I’m so mad!
- Dinner is off. I got a better offer.
- Don’t buy a Nook. That would be dumb.
- They don’t make Hogan’s food any more. So mad.
- I want my sweater back. Bring it with you.
- We just bought diapers at Target.
- Can you watch my kids?
- I need new sneakers.
- I need a new bag for work. I can’t find one.
- We should go to lunch with Kate.
- Good idea. We can dump all our old clothes on her!
- Who’s Kate?
- Matt’s wife, Mom.
- Oh, I like her. She’s so cute. Isn’t that Christian’s friend?
- We should go back to Portsmouth.
- What’s the good pizza place called?
- Andy needs running goo. What flavors are good?
- These don’t end, do they?
- I don’t know. I don’t think so.
- We went to the movies.
- I need to exercise.
- I’m hungry.
- I’m cold.
- I have foot fungus.
- I like Pirate’s Booty.
When in doubt, trust Market Basket over circuses in Lowell.
With a combined weight of less than 50 pounds, you’d think that a 3-month-old and a 3-year-old would be no match for their larger, presumably experienced parent(s). You’d think that, but you’d be wrong. We are now in little more than a controlled retreat until we can coax these malevolent beasts out of our house.
W.A.B.: 5lbs 14oz